Sunday

It's one of those days where I'm in a hole and cannot pull myself out. Feeling blue, depressed, and unmotivated and want to go to bed right now. Its days like today when I had a different combo of prescription drugs than what I've got. growl.

UPDATE
oddly enough shortly after this post, it rained harder than i have ever seen and the thunder was the loudest i have ever heard. spooky.

Black and White Ball

One of my most favorite times of the year is swiftly approaching. The 2nd is my best friend's birthday and the Black and White Ball. The B&W Ball is an outdoor ball to support the CB Museum and a fabulous excuse to get very dressed up and and feel great. And of course, the 4th. This is CB's biggest reunion because it is not to be missed, it is that much fun. AND last but certainly not least, my sister is coming!!!!! Huzzah! Everyone I tell that I miss her is like, "when did you see her last?" and realistically it hasn't been that long, but in sister time? it's been a very, very long time.

Monday

I finally got my lazy butt out of bed this morning early enough to go to the gym. I have been telling myself for weeks that I will I get up early and do some sort of physical exercise. But I'll set my alarm, it will go BEEP BEEP BEEP, and I'll turn it off, roll over and sleep for two more hours. Most nights, I don't even need the extra sleep, I'll have gotten a solid 7 1/2 to 8 hours but I've just been too lazy. Today, my mom woke me up (usually I hate this) and I stopped making excuses in my head and got up and went to the gym for almost an hour. Of course now, I feel great, and plan on going to a class tomorrow with mom, which will make me sore for days.
Also? I've discovered some great podcasts. In particular Nutrition Diva. Her shows last no longer than 10 minutes and get right to the point with good nutrition tips and food info. Really good for people like me with a short attention span. And the best part, they're free!

Father's Day

A while ago, MissGrace led me to discover this blog about a couple who had a premature baby. When Maddie Spohr was a about a year and a half, she died unexpectedly from complications from a respiratory infection. When I first discovered this blog, it hit me too close to home. I was a preemie baby born at about 29 weeks and weighed 1lb 15oz. I stayed in the hospital for about 2 1/2 months, until I weighed 5 lbs. When Maddie was born, she weighed 3 lbs. She had a whole pound on me. I have checked in on the Spohrs from time to time, and every time I do, my stomach turns into knots. I survived my premature birth, had to be on oxygen for a while, but otherwise suffered no health issues from it. I am 21, healthy, standing 5'10" about to be a senior in college. I often forget just how lucky I was to have survived my early birth, and just to think about every single problem that could have arrived and I escaped with literally none. Just writing this is making my stomach turn and my hands shake a little. My heart goes out to the Spohrs, to have had such a devastating loss in their family, and to Maddie, whose life was too short and her passing unbelievably tragic. So here's to all the father's, with little babies, those who lost babies, and to all the premature babies out there who are lucky enough to be alive. Happy Father's Day.

Rant

SIDE NOTE: I do realize that some people grew up with much stricter parents and harsh rules. But my upbringing was pretty lax, and my parents didn't enforce a lot of rules. I have been an extremely independent person for a while so when my mother tries to enforce rules when I'm 21 home for three months doesn't go over well with me. Just saying.


I do believe my mother is queen of paranoia/craziness. I told her days ago that I would in fact be going out last night. There was a DJ that I wanted to see, and to try and avoid her judgement and disapproval, I told her early this week. I did go out last night, admittedly spent too much money, and stayed at a girlfriends house. I woke up early, went home, changed and made myself presentable for work. As I'm leaving, she says "I don't like you staying out all night, it makes me uncomfortable." I reply, "Mom, I stayed at [girlfriends name]." "Oh, that's ok." THEN, as I'm leaving she says "you might want to pop a breath mint, you smell, you know, like alcohol." Now, I am aware of the fact that when you drink a massive amount of liquor it will be released through your pores and you will smell like alcohol. But I do not believe that was the case today. I drank one shot of liquor last night, and had beers. Before leaving, I doused myself in perfume and brushed my teeth. But then again, this is the mother who claimed my sister was drinking booze in the morning because she rinsed with mouthwash. ANYWAYS, due to the fact that I was early for work, did not complain, and have to work an 11 hour day, I don't think I am the booze hound/crack addict/hooker that my mom believes me to be.

So it goes...

I have been feeling extremely tired lately. The smoke alarm thing didn't help, but also I've been having really weird dreams, which my sister knows isn't that uncommon for me. Like two nights ago. I had a dream that I had cancer. Really bad cancer. So I had to travel to L.A. by myself on a plane reserved specifically for sick people. I guess L.A. is where I had to go to get treated, but going alone? was terrible.
Last night I had a dream where I was working at my old Country Club job and I yelled at everyone for being so stupid, etc. It was a little more satisfying than cancer, but I was angry in my dream, not happy. I also had a dream about shopping for cute clothes but then not being able to pay for them......FAIL.
Also feeling stress about potential stalker. Which I do not enjoy.
My sister has shown me the negative side effects of stress (they are BAD) so I try not to stress and worry about things too much, but something tells me it runs in my family....because anyone one of my friends will tell you that I worry a lot. Like to the point of excessive. Even my sister knows that. For example, Sister will call and leave a message "call me back I need to talk to you about something." She knows that if she doesn't include "nothing bad" or something to that effect, I will worry about it. I suppose this could be a mild form of anxiety. I have also suffered panic attacks in my past.
So perhaps it's the worried feeling I'm feeling in the evening that is affecting my sleep. Who knows. But it sucks, and once morning rolls around I feel like I could sleep all day. But oddly enough, thinking about sleeping all day makes me nervous. Like I might get in trouble or something.....hmmmmm.

Big bowl of Prozac for breakfast

Today? is not a good day. I have to work (which I know I can't complain about) but I don't want to. I got asked out on a date by someone who has a very terrible reputation from a very reputable source. I have also made an idiot of myself in front of other boys. Bad, and embarrassing. Also seeing a boy last night who was very mean to me and proceeded to ignore me. I am the one who is supposed to ignore YOU!
Cold weather, I'm am legitimately wearing Uggs today. It's June.
And the smoke detector battery thing going off at 4 this morning. Over and over and over. Like Mitch Hedberg said, slowly battery drainer.
I'm very cranky.